So this post is well overdue, but I finally got a moment to put a post together for you all. I plan on breaking up my journey on my weight loss over a few post so if you can be patient for a little longer that be appreciated girls.
Let me be a girl and start this post by saying. I felt fat! Yep how many of us women say it? I’m fat, I look fat, I feel fat. I’m gonna be good as of Monday. Sound like you? Keep reading.
I have been feeling so uncomfortable in my own skin for a long time now. To you all looking at my body shape on Instagram sure I look at a healthy weight. I am not the skinniest girl or the fattest. I know this. I have skinny arms that look fat in pics. I have zero tits and broad shoulders. My tummy is flabby, I have a little back fat. My thighs FUCK I hate my thighs. I could go on. I feel as though my body is very unproportioned. But as they say, we are our own worst critics right?
You may think I look great, but only a few people know about the daily struggles that I have been going through.
I don’t really know where the food binges started but they have been around for a long time.
I can go an entire day without eating then as soon as I get home I eat whatever the hell I want. If I am having a bad mental health day and head to the bakery or Maccas on my lunch break I will go on a binging spree. Imagine me sitting in my car or a food court eating and Instagramming as though I don’t have a care in the world.
You need to eat your probably all thinking.. but I don’t think two sausage and eggs muffins, two hash browns or a four pack of cheesymites scrolls followed by regret is a healthy lunch option?
I would drive to a Mcdonalds drive-thru and order two meals in separate bags so the staff member wouldn’t think they were both for me. My partner would ask me whats for lunch and I would say nothing. I could go on. I knew this was a problem. A good day, a bad day or a hangover I would always be up for a binge.
I realized there was a big problem when I couldn’t leave the house due to having anything fit me in my wardrobe. Example a date night or a family outing. My partner would tell me just wear anything. But that anything made me feel like shit. I might have looked great to him or my friends but I was panicking and anxious. I felt so uncomfortable in my own skin. So self-conscious which left me bedridden and in tears.
Lost my sense of style:
Over the last few years, I lost my style and love for clothing. My work attire has been leggings and a big jumper and scarf which would hide my legs and guts. I sure hid it well. I can honestly say I hope I never see a pair of shiny leggings again. Every other outfit depended on my mood. I can promise you they ended up being returned, donated or binned. I was a size 8 to 12 and that’s a healthy small size but nothing fit my shape.
My partner is super sweet (most of the time) hehe, even if I was a hippo he wouldn’t tell me I was. I show him my cellulite and he tells me there is nothing there- bless his soul right? Thankfully I ain’t blind. Mem always would just say if you wanna do something about it you will. When I was at my lowest moments he even offered more than once to go to the gym with me. Which is super sweet for someone who has never been to the gym before (besides that one time I dragged him there for 10 mins)
Lifestyle: Over the last 7 years.
- Clubbing weekly. All that alcohol and 3 am Maccas runs.
- Working two-three jobs at a time snacking around the clock.
- Life as a door bitch. Red bulls, champagne snacking and sleeping all day or a few hours a night.
- Blog commitments: Free canapes & more booze) I am there.
- Stress: Eat, stress, eat, drink, repeat.
I was constantly eating out socializing the works. A frozen weight watcher meal and a 30 min work out surely wasn’t going to help.
I need help:
Late last year I made my way to my family doctor and asked for some professional help. My doctor couldn’t believe how much weight I had put on. And if your wondering I have been tested for thyroid but was given the all-clear.
Stay tuned for Part 2.